by Kristen Ishihara and Chris Parker with Ishihara & Parker Law Firm PLLC

Estate planning can be a touchy subject—no one likes to think about the inevitable. But when it comes to blended families, having a clear plan in place is even more important. Without one, things can get messy, confusing, and even heartbreaking for those left behind.

So, let’s dive into why you should have a will, what happens if you don’t, and some estate planning alternatives that can help protect your loved ones.

Probate or No Probate? That is the Question

If you're in a blended family and you're the beneficiary of an estate, my general suggestion is to probate. Why? Because probate ensures that assets are distributed according to a valid will. And let’s be honest—one of the biggest reasons people avoid doing a will in the first place is because they don’t want to have these conversations. It’s uncomfortable. It’s tough. But it’s absolutely necessary.

Without a will, the state makes the decisions for you, and that’s a scenario you don’t want to face—especially when blended families are involved.

Setting Expectations: What Do You Want to Happen?

One of the biggest issues in estate planning for blended families is simply not talking about it. We often assume that a surviving spouse gets everything, but that’s not always true—or even what everyone wants.

Some people may want to leave everything to their spouse, while others may want to leave certain assets, like an inherited family farm or a business, to their children. The important thing is to decide ahead of time.

For example, you could say:

• “I leave my residence to my spouse, but everything else to my kids.”
• “I leave my inherited farm to my kids, but the rest to my spouse.”
• “The business I built with my child stays in the family, but my spouse gets everything else.”

There’s no right or wrong answer, but there is a right way to go about it—having the conversation and making a plan.

Protecting Your Spouse and Kids

One big issue that often gets overlooked is what happens if a spouse passes away but still has debts, like a mortgage. If the surviving spouse is left to figure things out alone, that can create unnecessary stress and financial strain. One way to prevent this is by considering life insurance to cover outstanding debts.

Additionally, the order of inheritance matters. If a will isn’t in place, assets may be split between the spouse and stepchildren in unexpected ways. The last thing anyone wants is for a surviving spouse to be blindsided when they go to sell a house and find out the stepkids own half of it.

The Power of Communication

Some of the best family outcomes happen when parents sit down, create a plan, and communicate it clearly. When the plan is in place and everyone knows what to expect, it eliminates future fights and surprises. On the other hand, failing to have these conversations can lead to expensive legal battles and strained relationships.

Thinking Beyond the Will: Living Trusts

A basic estate plan should include:

• Financial and medical power of attorney
• HIPAA directive
• Last will and testament

But a more advanced option is a revocable living trust. Unlike a will, which has to go through probate, a trust allows you to distribute assets outside of court. This can be a great option for blended families because it keeps things private, speeds up the process, and reduces the likelihood of disputes.

A trust works like this:

1. You transfer assets into the trust while you’re alive.
2. You decide the terms (for example, everything goes to the surviving spouse first, then the kids).
3. When you pass away, the assets go directly to the named beneficiaries without court involvement.

With a will, you’ll likely have to go through probate twice—once when the first spouse dies and again when the second spouse passes. With a trust, you bypass that entire process.

The Biggest Estate Planning Mistake

One of the biggest mistakes we see in estate planning is waiting too long. Many people put off these decisions until it’s too late, or they don’t communicate their wishes properly.

The result? A surviving spouse who assumes they own everything, only to find out their stepkids legally own half the house. This happens all the time, and it can lead to unnecessary stress, legal battles, and financial hardships.

If you or your spouse have children from a previous relationship, get a will in place. If you own separate property (like land, a house, or an inheritance), get a will in place. And whatever you do, don’t wait until it’s too late.

Final Thoughts

Estate planning isn’t just about deciding who gets what—it’s about making things easier for your loved ones. Whether you go the route of a will or a living trust, the most important thing is to have a plan, communicate it clearly, and ensure that your wishes will be honored.

So, have the conversation, put the plan in writing, and don’t let the state decide for you. Your future self (and your family) will thank you for it!

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